Friday, 29 June 2012

I'm a hypocrite clearly

While I get fairly annoyed about the arrangements with the US about extradition affecting people like Richard O'Dwyer who have committed crimes on British soil and therefore surely should be tried in the UK, not the US, even just reading yesterday that the Americans may demand the extradition of Bob Diamond* over the Libor rates fixing scandal pleased me so much that I actually smiled for the first time in over a month.

*can't remember where so no link

Monday, 25 June 2012

Mental health services provision - England v. Scotland

War of attrition

London - tell the doctor you are suicidal - get placed on a 2 year waiting list for counselling.

Catch 22

Scotland - tell the doctor you are too depressed to function. Receive a letter explaining that the mental health system is opt in and that to retain your referral you have to ring up and confirm you still want it. Unfortunately one of the things you now find impossible is making phone calls. Should you make it over this hurdle, get informed by service gatekeeper that you don't appear as depressed as you claim as you managed to make it to the appointment and therefore you do not qualify for help.

The London situation is bad but understandable. The Scottish one is downright evil because it actively weeds out the people who most need help before denying it to everyone else.

Saturday, 23 June 2012

If there's one thing I hate

It's articles like this. I'm 48 now and I've achieved far less than even the 15 year old on that list. Never mind the hideous realisation that I'm not special, I'm not even adequate.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Cautionary tales:1

At the last wedding she went to, she caught the bouquet. That meant she'd be the next to get married. Unfortunately no-one could be found who was willing to marry her, not for large financial reward, not even on the pain of death. There were no more marriages throughout the kingdom for the remaining 45 years of her life. Eventually Interflora paid for a hitman from their marketing budget and just to make doubly sure she was married post mortem to the corpse of an illegal immigrant who had been decapitated when his bicycle went under a lorry on the A1. On this occasion the Border Agency did not send the police to disrupt the ceremony.

Thursday, 14 June 2012

Those of a sensitive disposition should cover their ear

I'm getting very close to the end of the road with eBay and other people's second hand or sub standard shit. It took 4 shots to buy a summer handbag on eBay that was anywhere near in the condition described (and even so, it was a completely different colour to that shown in the photo but that's minor overall). There was the 'originally extremely expensive bag' that turned out to be something that normally retails on market stalls at about £20, there was the 'minor signs of wear' bag that was heavily stained and there was the admittedly once nice but badly scuffed bag that had been tarted up for sale with shoe polish that ruined my favourite top.

My latest purchase was 40 pairs of earplugs to aid me in my constant struggle to sleep despite the worst depradations of the subhuman morons* who now live downstairs. Or at least I thought it was. Turned out it was 40 earplugs. I can't say I was misled. It didn't say pairs on the listing. But it should have - who the fuck buys earplugs in single instances? Even if I went all van Gogh and ripped an ear off which in my current mental state may or may not have crossed my mind, there'd still be a hole, wouldn't there? Unless I wedged the mutilated cartilege and lobe into it I suppose, instead of feeding it to the cats.

This could possibly be out of proportion to feeling that I've been stiffed out of £3.49 but final straw and all that.

*Young people. I hates 'em.

Monday, 11 June 2012


When the cat starts making biscuits (kneading) on your face and you still can't be bothered to move. It got a bit hairy when she caught a claw in my earring though.

It's like microdermy for cheapskates but with added cat poo particulates.

Tuesday, 5 June 2012


I want to emigrate. Constant nausea since May 2010 is getting wearing. Also, given I'm unemployed and disabled, frankly terrifying.

Monday, 4 June 2012


You lot have street parties. We have Orange marches to mark the jubilee. It's a different country up here. There are only 100 street parties up here (against 9500 in England and Wales) and apparently most of those are in Perthshire which is where most of the rich expat English live. Even if you adjust for population, that's about 90% less enthusiasm for Queenie round here.