Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Return of the wordcount

I've decided to do Nanowrimo this year, which means writing a 50,000 word draft of a novel in November (it's another excuse to put off jobhunting). This will be extra challenging as I'm away for nearly a week early on in the month and won't be taking a laptop. Let's hope I manage it because if I fuck this up it will probably be the final straw.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Why it pays to buy expensive cat food

Disgusting as the ingredients sound (derivatives of this, that and the other), Gourmet Ocean Pearl cat food doesn't actually smell all that bad and at times like these*, that is a major blessing.

*when Mits has just upchucked her lunch into the inside of the radiator.

Sunday, 28 October 2012

I want to punch me in the face

I've spent the past couple of days doing a video production and editing course and as part of this I had the experience of seeing myself talking on video for the first time since the late 80s. Playing back interview transcript audio tapes is bad enough but that's just my voice. This was horrific and I now quite understand why I have very few friends and many people dislike me from the first moment they meet me. I've never really bought the concept of me being posh - I feel no identification whatsoever with people like David Cameron who as far as I am concerned are the sort of people who either cut me dead at university for not being their sort or just laughed at me. However on the evidence of this video (we were all filmed talking about our pet hate - I chose neighbour noise), I think I may stay home with a ball gag and a paper bag over my head for the rest of my life. It's the only considerate thing to do. If only Cameron would do the same.

Thursday, 25 October 2012

Now what?

I graduate today. I'm not going to the ceremony because I can't afford the fee and I don't have anyone, such as parents or a partner, to take with me. Plus the promised 'amazing catering' could surely only be a temptation to anyone who has never experienced my university's catering before (amazing =/= edible).

The only real outcome as far as I can see is that I lose my council tax exemption and student discounts on stuff. As far as being more employable goes - well, I've confirmed that I'm good at writing articles essays about stuff I don't understand and can't do myself but I knew that anyway. I really wish I'd either not done this at all or done a degree in something fun rather than thinking about so called employability.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012


As part of my continued effort to sell everything that isn't nailed down, I have a blogsale running here. It probably won't interest any of my gentlemen readers though.

Friday, 19 October 2012

Return of the monkeys

I'm going to blame the assclown I dated last year for this. The pills I had to start taking to deal with the anxiety and insomnia I developed when his mother developed heart problems (the irony) have a known side effect of causing heart problems. Plus of course he broke my heart in the metaphorical sense. ALL HIS FAULT.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

I want a refund

It looks like my lifetime diet of sugared lard has caught up with me. After a whole 5 months of no health problems other than the normal RSI and depression, I've developed a heart murmur. I guess I can stop fooling myself that buying superskinny jeans from Primark means I'm still young. I now have old person health problems and I am extremely upset about that.

Friday, 12 October 2012

How to bargain

While this article about independence raises a lot of sensible questions, it completely fails to understand the function of the 'devo-max' option, in common with pretty much everything else written on the subject. Basically, Salmond has traded away the 'devo-max' option on the referendum in return for letting 16 and 17 year olds vote. This is called giving up something you never wanted in the first place but pretended that you did to get something you really want. Cameron has fallen for it, hook, line and sinker.

With a third devo-max option available on the referendum in addition to the basic stay or go options, wouldn't a sizeable percentage of the go vote who weren't blinded by emotion vote for devo-max as a way to get the best of both worlds? That option is gone now - chances are most of those votes will go to independence. And now we can add a demographic not known for caution and the ability to consider both sides of the question - 16 year olds. I bet most of those vote for independence.

One thing I don't understand though - why does Westminster have to pay any attention to a vote for independence? The Act of Union was agreed between 2 bodies - the Scottish and the English parliaments. Leaving aside the fact that an English parliament no longer exists, wouldn't both sides have to agree to a parting of the ways?

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Noises in my head. And outside my head.

You can be on a bit of a sticky wicket when you are known to be having mental health problems and you start complaining about strange noises.


I'm putting this out here in the hope that someone Edinburgh based knows what the hell it is because it is driving me faintly homicidal and the council* can't do anything unless you know the source of the noise.

You can hear it between 6.30 and 9 ish in the morning and between about 8.30 and 11.30ish but sometimes much later at night. Also Sunday mornings until about 11. It's been going on for about 3-4 months now.

It sounds a little like a muted fog horn or the noise lighthouses make. It's low pitched and as much of a vibration as a sound and it pulses on and off. It cuts right through ear plugs and makes sleep impossible.

Does anyone have any ideas because it is making me very unhappy indeed?

*I think I could derive a lot of satisfaction out of being a noise abatement officer.