Monday, 28 January 2013

Apoocalypse now

Got back from a few days away to a total apoocalypse. Firstly, the fur horsemen of the apoocalypse* had displayed their love for me and concern at my absence by creating an interesting abstract installation in mixed media on the sitting room carpet and in the hall. Secondly I have just been told that for health reasons (I now have dangerously raised cholesterol) that I have to go on a low fat, high fibre diet. There are some very good reasons I eat a high fat, low fibre diet and avoid most vegetables and grains - it allows me to leave the flat for a start (good old IBS), prevents me fainting and stops me looking 8 months pregnant from bloating. I am not happy about this. I'm not especially sure I want to live longer if that requires giving up cheese and butter.

Does anyone have any experience of eating a low fat, low carb diet? It seems like I'll be limited to fish and that's about it. My doctor doesn't have a dietician on staff.


Thursday, 17 January 2013

Summoning the law of sod

Following Tuesday's paeon of praise, my lovely watch has stopped working. It's probably just in need of a new battery (a procedure that is expensive and takes about a week) but even so...

Update: OMFG, I am never going to even come close to boasting about something again. £75 for a new battery. I want to cry.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Round and round we go

Not that long ago, it seems, people were no longer buying watches because who needs a watch when you've got a mobile to tell you what the time is? I was never particularly convinced by this - my 20 year old Raymond Weil watch is a thing of beauty that gives me pleasure to wear every day. My mobile rarely leaves the house (cover your eyes, Citizen Dave*) because a) I don't want to be bothered when I'm not at my desk and hence not able to do something about whatever it is whoever it is is ringing about and b) it's an item that gives me no pleasure whatsoever, reminding me as it does of my desert of a personal life, while still acting as a source of extreme anxiety - the hour before bed-time every day when I was dating in 2011 while I waited to see if I was going to get a text from Him or not contributed considerably to last year's meltdown and c) what if I lose it or it gets nicked and d) I don't need any extra weight in my handbag and I would ALWAYS rather carry an extra lipstick than a phone and e) T-Mobile absolutely screwed me on my contract this year and even looking at the phone throws me into the sort of rage that only looking at my lovely watch will calm.

Now, the latest thing from CES Vegas is apparently the Pebble. Kickstarter funded, it's ready to ship, with 85,000 pre-sold. What's a Pebble? It's a watch (a bloody ugly one mind you) which can receive data from your phone to save you having to get your phone out. While I don't think you can leave your phone at home like I do, it's a step in the right direction. Plus it's kind of Star Trek isn't it?

*I'd happily make payments with my watch. Or something else like a ring that I don't have to open my handbag to get at.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

There must be a name for this

Does anyone know what the following example is an illustration of, other than stupidity?

It was (still is) lunchtime. I thought about what to cook. There isn't much in the fridge so initially I thought of boiled eggs. I ruled this out on the basis that it wasn't filling enough (supper will be late), considered a few more options and settled definitively on ravioli, which is about to go off so needs eating today. I then walked to the kitchen and boiled the eggs*.

I do this a lot. It's as if the brain does not register negatives - I will not eat boiled eggs, turns into I will eat boiled eggs. Is this a *thing* or am I just heading for early dementia (like my mother)?

*and am still hungry as a result

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

How it is

Just back from a Hogmanay event at which a draw was made for a fairly substantial travel related prize in Scotland.

A crowded street scene.

Presenter: And now the results of the draw. The winning ticket is 1280 and the winner is Dino. Dino, are you here?
Crowd: [Cheers]. Yay! Dino! Woohoo Dino!

Dino comes up and collects an envelope.

Presenter: Congratulations Dino!
Dino: [inaudible].
Crowd: [Cheers]. Yay! Dino! Woohoo Dino!
Presenter: And where are you from Dino?
Dino: [loudly] Birmingham.
Crowd: [stunned silence. It appears that Dino is English. More silence, then] Boo.